It has been more than a year since my last post... the one thing I learned in the most excruciating painful manner is that it is a frickin worst idea in the entire history of epic failure ideas to keep a physical diary...online diaries are still the best at least to me...well of course to update as much as possible in the best of my memory though it definitely is not in chronological order....
I fell in love again....yes after frickin 8 years since my last relationship with a biatch who got married with my ex best friend and currently divorced mother of two and she still had the balls to try and add me in facebook...motherfucker man seriously....worst thing now is that my current girl is also half Indonesian half singaporean like that biatch....argh.....
yes yes as of February 22nd i met her and we got together after continuous meetings since 3rd february.... kinda fast but yeah...love happens..... honeymoon period weeee....until things start to fall apart of course...whats new seriously? its gonna be our 8th month together...and seriously im tired of her bad temper and im tired of always giving in and im tired of wasting money on her when i got zero return on investment... she jolly knows damn well im unemployed and yet i still got to spend on her as though im printing money....seriously so what if you are understanding about me being out of a job? you still expect me to spend on you and chalk up unnecessary bills. when it was my birthday i had to pay for everything at universal studios even though its my birthday and im jobless no thanks to you i did not enjoy my birthday this year. all i got was a miserable renoma wallet which cannot compare to a louis vuitton bear keychain, gucci keychain, all expenses paid genting trip, louis vuitton handbag, HTC incrdible s handphone, flowers, other miscellaneous gifts and daily meals which i always have to pay for....HELLO you are working and you got the cheek to tell me you are broke every month? oh i know why, cos' u got insurance to pay for, bills to pay for, your nicotine to pay for, and not to mention your self-indulgent shopping to pay for, so that leaves u with zero savings. FUCK. So i gotta pay for your SHIAT? hello ?? has it occured to you that im unemployed????? can u farking wake up your ideas???? i aint your walking atm man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya and i had to pay for your martell which you so conveniently told your bro to buy after he got back from bangkok.......piece of shit really you no brainer. i pray u farkin learn to manage your own damn expenses and quit your farkin smoking habit to save some cash. your so called "moral support" without money is of no damn use to me when the root of my problems is money itself. and its because of you now that i am compelled to start another bank account just to save. no thanks to you putting your damn name into both of my present accounts just to monitor my cashflow just cos' u found out by accident that i hid savings from you in my uob account??? FUCK OFF. thats my money and you got no damn say how i spend it! you claim you are not such a person but now each time u get angry with me u take money from me??? fuck you seriously. now my savings are slowly being depleted cos of you you damn piece of shit!!! and i still got to pay for your damn bday trip to batam when im still unemployed???????????? what the fuck sia????????? i cannot go on like this........i am seriously gonna start another bank account with my own savings. given the nature of your spending habits, no man can ever save when he is with you. and u still expect yr bf to be transparent with you? you cant even handle the damn truth about yourself!!!! seriously dont ever expect yr bf to be honest with you...... cos u expect me to change but you deny change yourself and i just gotta accept you for what you are? BULLSHIT. life doesnt work that way. go take a look at yourself in the mirror and wake your fuckin ideas up. i will do it. i will start another bank account and SEE for myself one day when i have zero in both my accounts, what you will do and react to a POOR ME who has no money. and by then, i will see for myself if what u said to me still holds true that you do not mind me being out of a job and having little or no cash. all u ever do is complain here pain there pain always falling sick, yet u do not wish to kick your smoking habits....fuck you seriously. then no one can save you. and i know its mean of me....but during most of our arguments, the words "seriously why dont u just go to hell?" flashed my mind several times...making me apologise for nothing and over trivial matters? bitch seriously u have no idea how im feeling and thanks to you im changing into something else.... mark my words....i already kneeled in front of u with flowers just to say sorry and ask for your hand...dont push your luck. i even had to endure you pushing me in public and screaming and yelling at me at outram mrt station....bitch seriously dont push your luck, i have feelings too. if you say i am vengeful, u are no different and equally guilty. not to mention why should i guy like me stay with a girl like u who has had so many sex partners in the past? seriously a woman who doesnt treasure her body like you isnt even worth any guys time. say u have changed? gone for aids test? big deal. whats done cannot be undone. u claim u gonna do better in your relationships. dont talk big. im just a walking atm to u and u know it. u just dont know what u want. all u care about is your own damn pathetic life of nicotine, martell, and clubbing. u dont care about having kids, marriage, or settling down. u just like the idea of it but u are not prepared. u are only prepared to let the guy take care of all expenses. yeah right your money is your money...my money is your money and i will have nothing for myself....thats your plan plain and simple. i really dont feel that you love me anymore...all u have in your heart is still mingda....argh....and i still got to find two condoms in yr lingerie drawer...and u still told me its for different guys in the past...no more now....fuckin bitch really.and i cant get angry with u cos u were being upfront and honest in the first place? pathetic reasoning for someone who still keeps photos and messages of her ex. it doesnt mean i do not have a temper. i just choose not to show it by keeping a poker face in every situation. yes i wanted togetherness , but not this way. and instead of compromising, u give me a take it or leave it attitude. you are not the only one choosing, people are choosing too bitch. and i am starting to have second thoughts cos im seriously tired, pissed off and broke. and you are not helping except complain that u are sick, work is too much for you and throwing your temper at me for the slightest of things and making me say sorry for nothing. really thanks for nothing. i really dont know how i can be honest with you. again i pray for your own sake you wake up,lighten up,broaden up and stop throwing up cos im tired of taking care of someone who is not even my wife and doesnt give a damn when im sick. i really feel like i have lost all my freedom due to the continuous stay at your place and i lost my friends.....argh thanks for nothing...
but im going to hold on...until my last glimmer of hope diminishes and i finally stamp my feet one day and say enough....i will get back what i deserve. its payback time.
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