Twenty Odd

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get hot and scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you cry and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. The stupid ones plateau, the smart ones rise. You get your heartbroken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You wonder what in the hell is wrong with you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn from them. We will piss one another off, and laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a group that talks behind the backs of the same people we call to meet up with on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that we were just being insecure like they have been. What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. We are friends, and in 10 years we will be friends who have figured out where we fit in in this world.

--"why...tell me why..."

GXL Returns

Indeed...he is coming home..earlier than we all expected actually.He is giving up his course..we all expected it after all...he never had the will or determination anyway...just wasted his parent's money all over again.i guess me, js and the rest of us will be picking him up from the airport this friday.man...guess i will have to leave gilberts party early...may have to apologise to him later.bugger man...cant actually blame ah liang for being so weak mentally.he never had much guts to do stuff anyway.always impulsive then regrets big time later.oh well, we will have alot of catching up to do.probably he is going to lament to us on how he was such a poor thing to be suffering out there all on his own.then probably boast that he is the first among us to attempt such a feat and that we know nothing about the outside world..true it may sound, but he gave up didnt he?attempts are attempts but still at times these attempts mean nothing if you still give up in the end.but thats ah liang to you.Impulsive, rams head on and when he lands in deep shit or faces a bigger challenge, he just gives up simply.it is a degree course after all.its his life, imean what is he gonna do if he comes back?the degree course was his last chance to make it academically.if not, he has nothing..in fact, he already gave up.wonder what he is going to do now?
of course, its none of my concern.my late nights are going to start again.since he is coming back he wont want to look for a job that soon.he would choose to go clubbing and enjoy the night scenes in singapore.and keep asking anyone who is free to re-tour singapore one more time with him to see what he missed when he was away..sigh...subject approaching..friday is coming..location confirmed..good to go.


--"Mr G, welcome back. We missed you. It ends tonight."

Revival

Supposingly i did mention quite some time ago that i would return when i have found what i am looking for.come to think of it, its really kinda stupid.why shoud i live my life that way?My life couldnt get any worse since some things are already predestined...the problem with me is that i think too much...if i am fated to be alone my whole life, so be it.many things happened as usual over the past few months.and i will be posting to my new unit tomorrow at safti.spent one year in stagmont and all of a sudden they post me out....we army personnel are really dispensable...
kept having flashbacks of my past..seems like i still remember what happened when i was really sick.my mum said i was on the verge of death..or rather i was supposed to die..but my parents prayed for a miracle to happen and it did..thats why i am here today...but i recall somewhere deep inside that i made a pact to return here in the mortal world..i knew i had a choice to leave or stay..but i chose to stay.but years have passed and i have forgotten what was the pact i made...but he did mention if i stayed, suffering would be my life...so be it..let people see that i have survived an ordeal and that it might bring hope to others who are still suffering.May they have a second chance to live and live the way they want..i still havent found what i am looking for...but i wont stop here.

--"Live.."