Damage Report

Some people ask me why cant i be nice?and i reply because the world isnt nice..for those who couldnt care less they stop asking after the direct answer is shot at them.for the more persisitent ones...they ask why..
what do you expect me to say?
i pause for long moments at times...thinking what i should tell them...the truth about life?or the lies?at times the lies would sound less damamging to the morale of the listener...but the truth hurts..all the time...which truth doesnt?
but seemingly...nobody enjoys listening to bad stuff...nobody likes to face reality...they would rather hear the good stuff...how can people be so shallow?i will never understand...
at times i look at myself and i wonder if there is anything wrong with myself before i wrong the world around me...and it dawned upon me that people are really selfish all the time and that sucks big time.
we have friends who backstab friends.and i know some people who know some people that rob some people..it is such a vicious cycle...we even have the parasitic friends who leech onto you and when they no longer find you appealing they move on to the next host and tell them what a lousy host you were..
enough is enough...i have had enough of my share of bitches and assholes in my life...is there no more such thing as true friends?friends who are there unconditionally?why has society changed so much over the past few decades that people are getting so stuck up and selfish?
questions and loads more inside the overloaded brain of mine...and yet such few answers...
over the years..growing is such a pain..too much happened in my life until i no longer feel anything..what have i become?what have i evolved into?that i know very well..friends have told me that i have become cold..unfeeling..that i do not care anymore what happens..a zombie..someone no better than a machine...maybe they are right..desire is irrelevant..
so then did i become someone who is selfish?no...i still help my friends...i still do charity...i still hope for miracles...i have not given up.but once betrayal sets in,or once trust is broken...i will hate that person.and i will never forgive..
what war or battle can you fight when emotions are the only weapons you have got?...
no dreams..no desire..no more trust..no more suffering..no love..only hopes for a miracle..
i guess i will be happier this way...my system is damaged beyond repair..but who cares?