Hauntings

Hmm...people used to tell me that time heals all wounds..then there was another saying that no matter how your wounds heal, there will still be a mark or a scar...nicely said and done.since one saying is from a positive view and the latter is from the negative view.but both do make sense in their own logical ways.
the old memories are still lingering somewhere deep in my heart or brain.wish there was some remedy for this..unfortunately humans are not configured with a volatile memory.or we cant erase memories..i really wish i can be happy again...how much longer can i hold out?
Life is kinda routine nowadays...spending most of my weekends at home..cycling at night..still got a long way to go for my driving...driving my instructor nuts apparently.i keep speeding...oh well, i guess its in every guy's nature to do that..then again...i think my TP is approaching soon...
geez...i wonder why im blogging my thoughts now..i guess im still having insomnia...kinda scared to fall asleep nowadays...keep having nightmares.even the doctors dont know what to say..currently, im just drifting in random thoughts.had to force myself back to reality at times..
Some friends said that i have stopped smiling totally...which is a bad sign gotta do somethin about it...been having a shitload in camp recently..oh well...its normal..
i guess i should go back to chanting...in a way it does help..at least its better than the painkillers.
i should do something before i fall back into the abyss.i believe one day i will find what i am looking for.these hauntings will stop.i cant possibly look at life in a different view forever while the others are moving on.but its kinda hard when you have to do it alone..nevertheless, as long as i am alive, some things are worth fighting for.