Met up with a good friend today....she is gonna be a happy mum next year February...but she actually told me she regrets marrying her husband who gave her nothing but money problems....but her baby girl made her stronger....i cant believe her husband would actually go around borrowing money from her friends....no shame at all and doing it behind her back....just to clear his debts....ah...the price of marriage....thankful that she told me i can still reconsider my engagement.....and even so, marriage annulment costs sgd$1600.... great info.....
the hot blooded girl of mine actually got the cheek to flare up at me again this morning over the issue of betrayal....she actually told me that she dreamt on the previous night that i betrayed her again and went to meet my friends....ha....and when she woke up all she could think of was my good friend that i met this morning......sounds deja vu man....i better watch my step since i met up with XY and Mel the other time in the morning too....and she also had a dream that i went to meet them without her knowledge ooo scary........
however....thats besides the point..... my girl claims that she has no savings........BULLSHIT. just the other day on nov 18, i saw her passbook thanks to jeckie who knocked over her haversack....normally he never does that.......but it seemed like he wanted to show me something....and as like an act of god, her passbook fell out of the clear casing and flipped to the latest entry dated 17 nov where she deposited 5k and made her savings totalling to 10k odd.....
NOW WHO IS THE FOOL?
i feel like a fool who keeps paying for her stuff n meals when she keeps saying she cant afford.....cos' she got too many bills to handle...i got to pay for her holidays just cos she is broke...i had to pay for my own bday and her bday.....and i get shit in return only useless mini gifts that i find pieces of trash....ha....i wonder who is the bigger fool now? she made my two accounts joint accounts just to monitor my cashflow and she wont even let me see her passbook? farking bitch. now i just have to think of a way to get back at her.....not that im being vengeful....but this is too much....asking me to say soryy for nothing when its not my fault...picking on past issues when i never picked on hers....bitch.selfish bitch. no wonder why the rest gave up... oh no...im gonna get back what i deserve....and certainly i dont deserve the way she is treating me now like a dog. if u can keep yr own cash so can i. so from now on i will stop paying for yr shit. u claim u got no cash but u can pay for yr online shopping? fark u. carry on dreaming yr premonitions. of course i will watch my step. u are so gonna owe me. its true i have problems hiding my feelings, my true feelings but hell i will do it. fark u and yr assurance bitch.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
P.O.S (Literally)
At times I wonder which is worse....being poor and out of a job for months, or having a gf who keeps spending her money unwisely even though she works in a bank, or a gf who keeps spending unwisely even though she works in a bank and claims she knows the value of hard earned money, or a gf who spends unwisely, claims she knows the value of money cos' she works in a bank yet does not take control of her own cashflow and but wants to manage her bf's cashflow and wants to get married without forking out a single cent while stepping on my pride and ego that i cant afford that amount by next march 2012 and is afraid she will be an over aged mother.................................
Seriously am i missing out on something?.....i guess not ...apart from the fact that her money is still her money but my money is not my money but her money even though i am broke and out of a job i am still expected to pay for everything with no questions asked................................P.O.S literally.
Day by day i am more convinced that she just likes the idea of getting married....and everything will be free of charge after that....and i have the obligation to take care of her personal bills......... and if i cant pay, she will just ask me to ask my father to clear it under my name of course.......am i thinking too much? i sure as hell am not.
Already in the pits when it comes to her cashflow and she still spends like a king......... everything is on credit of course.....already cashless and yet she bought a pair of golden earrings just to impress her mother on her birthday..........and i had to pay for the cake...........P.O.S i dont even buy anything for my own mum and u dare tell me its ok to splurge on your family? get a life. i have to clear up yr expenses after that!!! and u still wish to continue yr studies next year? fuck my life......thanks for nothing.....more bills and expenses coming my way. Really piece of shit. no money still wanna spend on unnecessary items like facial products.....what is wrong with her man? she cant seem to think properly at all........
I cant go on like this.........it will be the end of me....but what can i do? the calls are not coming in and the depression we are facing is not helping me to secure a job....................
sooner or later, we will argue about money again........sooner or later, she is going to want to buy a few more branded handbags and i have to pay as usual.....ARGH..........seriously what she needs is a rich, gay husband whose occupation is a football coach.........
on another note, if she has so much cash to sign on credit, why cant she buy me my itouch? _l_
She claims she is still by my side even though im jobless......so? please figure out your spending habits first. u just screwed me the other day when i couldn't afford to bring u overseas during your one week leave...... and it was supposed to be your treat........and u gonna give all yr bonus to your mum? wow. filial daughter. thanks for nothing. dont blame me next time if i do the same or dont ask me to give lesser to my parents just to spend on you. i hate to say it, if this really happens our r/s is going nowhere. wake up your damn ideas before i change my mind. u already stepped on my pride twice already. one, for the proposal but u rejected me saying u dont have an answer right in front of yr workplace cctv and even though u are wearing the ring now, it dont count for shit to me. two, for the batam trip when i told u i was on a budget and u went berserk saying u hate to be on a budget especially on trips but u never even contribute much and u insulted me for being poor. BUT u had cash to buy a bottle of Chivas Regal after the trip.........NB
really thanks for nothing. u say u are not like the other girls? i beg to differ...u are rotten in your own ways. u say u dont expect much? bullshit. when a new guy comes along in your life and he is rich and has a quiet nature, u will fall for him and if he proposes u will marry him cos' u are the same. W.K is not a good example of giving up a rich bf since u couldnt forget Mingda at that time.
Seriously am i missing out on something?.....i guess not ...apart from the fact that her money is still her money but my money is not my money but her money even though i am broke and out of a job i am still expected to pay for everything with no questions asked................................P.O.S literally.
Day by day i am more convinced that she just likes the idea of getting married....and everything will be free of charge after that....and i have the obligation to take care of her personal bills......... and if i cant pay, she will just ask me to ask my father to clear it under my name of course.......am i thinking too much? i sure as hell am not.
Already in the pits when it comes to her cashflow and she still spends like a king......... everything is on credit of course.....already cashless and yet she bought a pair of golden earrings just to impress her mother on her birthday..........and i had to pay for the cake...........P.O.S i dont even buy anything for my own mum and u dare tell me its ok to splurge on your family? get a life. i have to clear up yr expenses after that!!! and u still wish to continue yr studies next year? fuck my life......thanks for nothing.....more bills and expenses coming my way. Really piece of shit. no money still wanna spend on unnecessary items like facial products.....what is wrong with her man? she cant seem to think properly at all........
I cant go on like this.........it will be the end of me....but what can i do? the calls are not coming in and the depression we are facing is not helping me to secure a job....................
sooner or later, we will argue about money again........sooner or later, she is going to want to buy a few more branded handbags and i have to pay as usual.....ARGH..........seriously what she needs is a rich, gay husband whose occupation is a football coach.........
on another note, if she has so much cash to sign on credit, why cant she buy me my itouch? _l_
She claims she is still by my side even though im jobless......so? please figure out your spending habits first. u just screwed me the other day when i couldn't afford to bring u overseas during your one week leave...... and it was supposed to be your treat........and u gonna give all yr bonus to your mum? wow. filial daughter. thanks for nothing. dont blame me next time if i do the same or dont ask me to give lesser to my parents just to spend on you. i hate to say it, if this really happens our r/s is going nowhere. wake up your damn ideas before i change my mind. u already stepped on my pride twice already. one, for the proposal but u rejected me saying u dont have an answer right in front of yr workplace cctv and even though u are wearing the ring now, it dont count for shit to me. two, for the batam trip when i told u i was on a budget and u went berserk saying u hate to be on a budget especially on trips but u never even contribute much and u insulted me for being poor. BUT u had cash to buy a bottle of Chivas Regal after the trip.........NB
really thanks for nothing. u say u are not like the other girls? i beg to differ...u are rotten in your own ways. u say u dont expect much? bullshit. when a new guy comes along in your life and he is rich and has a quiet nature, u will fall for him and if he proposes u will marry him cos' u are the same. W.K is not a good example of giving up a rich bf since u couldnt forget Mingda at that time.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Weary...
I almost had it with this relationship.....piece of shit.....forever throwing her temper over the slightest things....sick in pain cough skin allergy bug bites...just throw her temper and raise her voice and treat me like trash and like a butler at her beck and call....fucking piece of shit seriously...hold my piece in order not to make her angry, wrong. confront also wrong.....fuck. in the end im always wrong farking hell. people have feelings too damn it. if u can tolerate shit from strangers in yr daily role as a cso, why cant u tolerate your other half? why must it always be me? nb...fine you always have something to pick on me and i cant pick on u cos' i will be just deemed a xiao qi gui. well fark u.people have feelings too. so whats the damn point of being thoughtful about your feelings when u dont give a damn about others? piece of shit. u even insulted me for not having money before we went for batam for yr damn bday which i didnt even enjoy. u dared cross my boundary that u used to be financially free and just spent on whatever u wanted? fark that dont give u any damn reason to insult poor people who cant afford especially when he is yr guy. no wonder mingda left you seriously. and no wonder all yr r/s after that never worked out. cos admit it u never trusted guys after that and anyone else just became yr walking atm. thanks for nothing damn piece of shit. i wasted my time effort and money literally. yr damn moral support and empty words and promises dont mean a damn thing to me anymore. and u are right. you are a Burden to me. when u cant even control yr damn temper which other guy can stand you seriously? wake up from your damn dreams , you arent the sweet young thing anymore so learn to appreciate other people's efforts in tolerating you or continue messing up your karma for all i care. and dont blame the world or others for returning the favour ten fold one fine day you miserable cur. and for the record i hate to say sorry for nothing. dont make me hate u even more than i have at present. making me say sorry like yr dog 20 times isnt gonna make me admit my mistake and i tell u i will continue my own damn ways for u never bothered to change in the first place. you are right being good to you is being cruel to myself. you are so damn right. one day i will return the favour mark my words. no wonder yr ex zhang wei qiang was so vengeful its all thanks to you making him that way. my opinion of u hasnt changed. you are just another bitch who treats guys like walking atms. your money is your money. my money is your money. and when im poor im still expected to pay. piece of shit. from now on no more presents for you damn bitch. i never got anything else from u besides 2 polo-T and a miserable wallet which pales in comparison to the presents i gave u. and u still dare screw me for not messaging u when i boarded 282 and ran the rest of the journey to the mrt just to meet u? grow up or seriously fuck off. u are no better cam whoring wif ben ten and keeping it from me and yr primary school gathering which u never told me abt. talk abt keeping things? you are worst than me. a slut who had ten plus sex partners in the past has no right to ask for my trust n treat me like trash and throw tantrums when i sacrificed more. u wanna play rough? yes..your advice was u can play better...but who is playing who in the end we shall see damn bitch. im changing this way cos of you and its all your damn fault.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Path Of A Nihilist
It has been more than a year since my last post... the one thing I learned in the most excruciating painful manner is that it is a frickin worst idea in the entire history of epic failure ideas to keep a physical diary...online diaries are still the best at least to me...well of course to update as much as possible in the best of my memory though it definitely is not in chronological order....
I fell in love again....yes after frickin 8 years since my last relationship with a biatch who got married with my ex best friend and currently divorced mother of two and she still had the balls to try and add me in facebook...motherfucker man seriously....worst thing now is that my current girl is also half Indonesian half singaporean like that biatch....argh.....
yes yes as of February 22nd i met her and we got together after continuous meetings since 3rd february.... kinda fast but yeah...love happens..... honeymoon period weeee....until things start to fall apart of course...whats new seriously? its gonna be our 8th month together...and seriously im tired of her bad temper and im tired of always giving in and im tired of wasting money on her when i got zero return on investment... she jolly knows damn well im unemployed and yet i still got to spend on her as though im printing money....seriously so what if you are understanding about me being out of a job? you still expect me to spend on you and chalk up unnecessary bills. when it was my birthday i had to pay for everything at universal studios even though its my birthday and im jobless no thanks to you i did not enjoy my birthday this year. all i got was a miserable renoma wallet which cannot compare to a louis vuitton bear keychain, gucci keychain, all expenses paid genting trip, louis vuitton handbag, HTC incrdible s handphone, flowers, other miscellaneous gifts and daily meals which i always have to pay for....HELLO you are working and you got the cheek to tell me you are broke every month? oh i know why, cos' u got insurance to pay for, bills to pay for, your nicotine to pay for, and not to mention your self-indulgent shopping to pay for, so that leaves u with zero savings. FUCK. So i gotta pay for your SHIAT? hello ?? has it occured to you that im unemployed????? can u farking wake up your ideas???? i aint your walking atm man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya and i had to pay for your martell which you so conveniently told your bro to buy after he got back from bangkok.......piece of shit really you no brainer. i pray u farkin learn to manage your own damn expenses and quit your farkin smoking habit to save some cash. your so called "moral support" without money is of no damn use to me when the root of my problems is money itself. and its because of you now that i am compelled to start another bank account just to save. no thanks to you putting your damn name into both of my present accounts just to monitor my cashflow just cos' u found out by accident that i hid savings from you in my uob account??? FUCK OFF. thats my money and you got no damn say how i spend it! you claim you are not such a person but now each time u get angry with me u take money from me??? fuck you seriously. now my savings are slowly being depleted cos of you you damn piece of shit!!! and i still got to pay for your damn bday trip to batam when im still unemployed???????????? what the fuck sia????????? i cannot go on like this........i am seriously gonna start another bank account with my own savings. given the nature of your spending habits, no man can ever save when he is with you. and u still expect yr bf to be transparent with you? you cant even handle the damn truth about yourself!!!! seriously dont ever expect yr bf to be honest with you...... cos u expect me to change but you deny change yourself and i just gotta accept you for what you are? BULLSHIT. life doesnt work that way. go take a look at yourself in the mirror and wake your fuckin ideas up. i will do it. i will start another bank account and SEE for myself one day when i have zero in both my accounts, what you will do and react to a POOR ME who has no money. and by then, i will see for myself if what u said to me still holds true that you do not mind me being out of a job and having little or no cash. all u ever do is complain here pain there pain always falling sick, yet u do not wish to kick your smoking habits....fuck you seriously. then no one can save you. and i know its mean of me....but during most of our arguments, the words "seriously why dont u just go to hell?" flashed my mind several times...making me apologise for nothing and over trivial matters? bitch seriously u have no idea how im feeling and thanks to you im changing into something else.... mark my words....i already kneeled in front of u with flowers just to say sorry and ask for your hand...dont push your luck. i even had to endure you pushing me in public and screaming and yelling at me at outram mrt station....bitch seriously dont push your luck, i have feelings too. if you say i am vengeful, u are no different and equally guilty. not to mention why should i guy like me stay with a girl like u who has had so many sex partners in the past? seriously a woman who doesnt treasure her body like you isnt even worth any guys time. say u have changed? gone for aids test? big deal. whats done cannot be undone. u claim u gonna do better in your relationships. dont talk big. im just a walking atm to u and u know it. u just dont know what u want. all u care about is your own damn pathetic life of nicotine, martell, and clubbing. u dont care about having kids, marriage, or settling down. u just like the idea of it but u are not prepared. u are only prepared to let the guy take care of all expenses. yeah right your money is your money...my money is your money and i will have nothing for myself....thats your plan plain and simple. i really dont feel that you love me anymore...all u have in your heart is still mingda....argh....and i still got to find two condoms in yr lingerie drawer...and u still told me its for different guys in the past...no more now....fuckin bitch really.and i cant get angry with u cos u were being upfront and honest in the first place? pathetic reasoning for someone who still keeps photos and messages of her ex. it doesnt mean i do not have a temper. i just choose not to show it by keeping a poker face in every situation. yes i wanted togetherness , but not this way. and instead of compromising, u give me a take it or leave it attitude. you are not the only one choosing, people are choosing too bitch. and i am starting to have second thoughts cos im seriously tired, pissed off and broke. and you are not helping except complain that u are sick, work is too much for you and throwing your temper at me for the slightest of things and making me say sorry for nothing. really thanks for nothing. i really dont know how i can be honest with you. again i pray for your own sake you wake up,lighten up,broaden up and stop throwing up cos im tired of taking care of someone who is not even my wife and doesnt give a damn when im sick. i really feel like i have lost all my freedom due to the continuous stay at your place and i lost my friends.....argh thanks for nothing...
but im going to hold on...until my last glimmer of hope diminishes and i finally stamp my feet one day and say enough....i will get back what i deserve. its payback time.
I fell in love again....yes after frickin 8 years since my last relationship with a biatch who got married with my ex best friend and currently divorced mother of two and she still had the balls to try and add me in facebook...motherfucker man seriously....worst thing now is that my current girl is also half Indonesian half singaporean like that biatch....argh.....
yes yes as of February 22nd i met her and we got together after continuous meetings since 3rd february.... kinda fast but yeah...love happens..... honeymoon period weeee....until things start to fall apart of course...whats new seriously? its gonna be our 8th month together...and seriously im tired of her bad temper and im tired of always giving in and im tired of wasting money on her when i got zero return on investment... she jolly knows damn well im unemployed and yet i still got to spend on her as though im printing money....seriously so what if you are understanding about me being out of a job? you still expect me to spend on you and chalk up unnecessary bills. when it was my birthday i had to pay for everything at universal studios even though its my birthday and im jobless no thanks to you i did not enjoy my birthday this year. all i got was a miserable renoma wallet which cannot compare to a louis vuitton bear keychain, gucci keychain, all expenses paid genting trip, louis vuitton handbag, HTC incrdible s handphone, flowers, other miscellaneous gifts and daily meals which i always have to pay for....HELLO you are working and you got the cheek to tell me you are broke every month? oh i know why, cos' u got insurance to pay for, bills to pay for, your nicotine to pay for, and not to mention your self-indulgent shopping to pay for, so that leaves u with zero savings. FUCK. So i gotta pay for your SHIAT? hello ?? has it occured to you that im unemployed????? can u farking wake up your ideas???? i aint your walking atm man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya and i had to pay for your martell which you so conveniently told your bro to buy after he got back from bangkok.......piece of shit really you no brainer. i pray u farkin learn to manage your own damn expenses and quit your farkin smoking habit to save some cash. your so called "moral support" without money is of no damn use to me when the root of my problems is money itself. and its because of you now that i am compelled to start another bank account just to save. no thanks to you putting your damn name into both of my present accounts just to monitor my cashflow just cos' u found out by accident that i hid savings from you in my uob account??? FUCK OFF. thats my money and you got no damn say how i spend it! you claim you are not such a person but now each time u get angry with me u take money from me??? fuck you seriously. now my savings are slowly being depleted cos of you you damn piece of shit!!! and i still got to pay for your damn bday trip to batam when im still unemployed???????????? what the fuck sia????????? i cannot go on like this........i am seriously gonna start another bank account with my own savings. given the nature of your spending habits, no man can ever save when he is with you. and u still expect yr bf to be transparent with you? you cant even handle the damn truth about yourself!!!! seriously dont ever expect yr bf to be honest with you...... cos u expect me to change but you deny change yourself and i just gotta accept you for what you are? BULLSHIT. life doesnt work that way. go take a look at yourself in the mirror and wake your fuckin ideas up. i will do it. i will start another bank account and SEE for myself one day when i have zero in both my accounts, what you will do and react to a POOR ME who has no money. and by then, i will see for myself if what u said to me still holds true that you do not mind me being out of a job and having little or no cash. all u ever do is complain here pain there pain always falling sick, yet u do not wish to kick your smoking habits....fuck you seriously. then no one can save you. and i know its mean of me....but during most of our arguments, the words "seriously why dont u just go to hell?" flashed my mind several times...making me apologise for nothing and over trivial matters? bitch seriously u have no idea how im feeling and thanks to you im changing into something else.... mark my words....i already kneeled in front of u with flowers just to say sorry and ask for your hand...dont push your luck. i even had to endure you pushing me in public and screaming and yelling at me at outram mrt station....bitch seriously dont push your luck, i have feelings too. if you say i am vengeful, u are no different and equally guilty. not to mention why should i guy like me stay with a girl like u who has had so many sex partners in the past? seriously a woman who doesnt treasure her body like you isnt even worth any guys time. say u have changed? gone for aids test? big deal. whats done cannot be undone. u claim u gonna do better in your relationships. dont talk big. im just a walking atm to u and u know it. u just dont know what u want. all u care about is your own damn pathetic life of nicotine, martell, and clubbing. u dont care about having kids, marriage, or settling down. u just like the idea of it but u are not prepared. u are only prepared to let the guy take care of all expenses. yeah right your money is your money...my money is your money and i will have nothing for myself....thats your plan plain and simple. i really dont feel that you love me anymore...all u have in your heart is still mingda....argh....and i still got to find two condoms in yr lingerie drawer...and u still told me its for different guys in the past...no more now....fuckin bitch really.and i cant get angry with u cos u were being upfront and honest in the first place? pathetic reasoning for someone who still keeps photos and messages of her ex. it doesnt mean i do not have a temper. i just choose not to show it by keeping a poker face in every situation. yes i wanted togetherness , but not this way. and instead of compromising, u give me a take it or leave it attitude. you are not the only one choosing, people are choosing too bitch. and i am starting to have second thoughts cos im seriously tired, pissed off and broke. and you are not helping except complain that u are sick, work is too much for you and throwing your temper at me for the slightest of things and making me say sorry for nothing. really thanks for nothing. i really dont know how i can be honest with you. again i pray for your own sake you wake up,lighten up,broaden up and stop throwing up cos im tired of taking care of someone who is not even my wife and doesnt give a damn when im sick. i really feel like i have lost all my freedom due to the continuous stay at your place and i lost my friends.....argh thanks for nothing...
but im going to hold on...until my last glimmer of hope diminishes and i finally stamp my feet one day and say enough....i will get back what i deserve. its payback time.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Love Song by Rain λΉ„
And Again
Prowling around your place
it’s furious
intolerable
I cannot take this anymore
However, there is nothing I can do
I ran out of time to turn you back
it’s all over
Nothing could be done anymore
You pushed me away with your very hands
Once were so wanted by me
What can I do?
What should I do?
I no longer have your breath here with me
But I am still loving you
What can I do?
What should I do?
Please, oh please, come back
You’re flooding my mind
Keep floating in my mind
I cannot hold your hands like i used to do
i’m so into you
Can’t stop reminiscing
This is the song
That could grab a hold of you (whoa)
You Pushed me away with your very hands
Once were do wanted by me
What can I do?
What should I do?
I no longer have your breath here with me
But I am still loving you
What can I do?
What should I do?
With the way you used to look into my eyes
Please turn back to me and just feel my heart
And could you please tell me
That you still love me
You Pushed me away with your very hands
Once were do wanted by me
What can I do?
What should I do?
I no longer have your breath here with me
But I am still loving you
What can I do?
What should I do?
Please, oh please, I love you
Prowling around your place
it’s furious
intolerable
I cannot take this anymore
However, there is nothing I can do
I ran out of time to turn you back
it’s all over
Nothing could be done anymore
You pushed me away with your very hands
Once were so wanted by me
What can I do?
What should I do?
I no longer have your breath here with me
But I am still loving you
What can I do?
What should I do?
Please, oh please, come back
You’re flooding my mind
Keep floating in my mind
I cannot hold your hands like i used to do
i’m so into you
Can’t stop reminiscing
This is the song
That could grab a hold of you (whoa)
You Pushed me away with your very hands
Once were do wanted by me
What can I do?
What should I do?
I no longer have your breath here with me
But I am still loving you
What can I do?
What should I do?
With the way you used to look into my eyes
Please turn back to me and just feel my heart
And could you please tell me
That you still love me
You Pushed me away with your very hands
Once were do wanted by me
What can I do?
What should I do?
I no longer have your breath here with me
But I am still loving you
What can I do?
What should I do?
Please, oh please, I love you